Parenting|Single Parent Tips|Single Dad Tips|Fatherhood » Kids of Divorced parents

Single Dad Tips…Mean People Suck

Kevin — Sun, 09 May 2010 17:36:41 +0000

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

I thought that in light of today being Mother’s Day, I would let one of my “go-to” single Mom friends share some incredible advice. I have told y’all many times that I do not have all (many times my kids would argue any) the answers. Therefore, I am constantly asking Moms, Dads, Single Parents, Grandparents, Teachers, Coaches, etc for advice on best practices for raising kids. My friend Annamarie is one of those “go-to” friends. Here is some sage advice she shared with me.

“..this may not apply to all single parents but one of the BEST pieces of advice i got when i was going thru my divorce was from my sister’s friend dodi (who’d been there, done that…) who told me you don’t have to bad mouth your children’s father, nor do you need to tell them the (whole) truth if he’s not a role model father/husband/man, etc… your kids are intelligent and some day, they will grow up and come to their own conclusions about the man they call dad…it’s not about shielding them from the truth, it’s more about taking the higher road, not ‘gossiping’, not focusing on someone else’s shortfalls. Kids turn into adults and someday…man it seems forever sometimes when you’re biting your tongue…someday, down the road, your kid will look you in the eye and say something that makes you realize they know…they accept and they understand, and they figured it out themselves! It doesn’t really change anything for them – they still love this man for who he is to THEM…but hopefully they gain an understanding for the other parent’s decision”.

Did y’all notice that you have no clue what if anything her husband did to her way. We don’t know what was involved in breaking them up. We don’t know what her kids came to realize and share with their Mom. All we know is that while her kids were growing up, my friend was able to bite her tongue and not be mean towards her kid’s Dad. What an incredible gift of advice for those of us strong enough to accept it, Thank you Annamarie. Now go do what you have to do to….

Make it a super day,
Kevin

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Single Dad Tips…Mother’s Day

Kevin — Fri, 07 May 2010 16:53:40 +0000

The Second Sunday in May is and always will be designated as Mother’s Day. As a divorced single dad what exactly does “Mother’s Day” mean to you? Did your responsibility end when you separated or finalized your divorce? Do you get a green light to plan to be “away” that weekend? Do you just write it off as another made up Hallmark holiday? Do you deserve a gift because you are technically both Mom and Dad when your kids stay with you? Have you even given the Mother’s Day dilemma any thought?

My guess is that the majority of single dads can answer the questions above with 2 words, “Nothing” and “No”. My feeling is the majority of y’all need who think this way need to definitely get your own Mom’s some amazing gifts because you obviously haven’t grown up. It is time for you to stop being a hurt little boy who is not gonna acknowledge that nasty woman who you once were married to because she was mean to you. Y’all need to realize that it was you who put the seeds of celebrating Mother’s Day into play to begin with.

I have had 16 years to think about and struggle with “Mother’s Day”. The number of times I have just wanted to crawl under a rock and pretend it didn’t exist are too numerous to count. However, I realized that the day and the celebration of being a Mother, wasn’t going to go away no matter how much I wanted it to. Also, it wasn’t going to go away even though the celebration of Father’s Day wasn’t anything like what you insured happened on Mother’s Day.

I believe that single dads need to look at Mother’s day as an opportunity to honor their own Mom(s) as well as the Mom(s) of your children. The day has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. It is what it is and will never change. The rules are different because Moms are involved. The weather is different in many locations (snow in the forecast this year on Mother’s Day in Buffalo) so picnics and bar-b-que may not be an option. It is a Day to honor Moms. So get off your lazy butt and make sure your kids honor their Mom. Note to Women reading my blog, Dad’s have feelings too so stop your selfish ways and help your kids honor their dads on Father’s Day.

So what to do? Volunteer to take the kids to any and all ball games that are stupidly scheduled for that day. Ask your kid’s mom if she wants to wake up with the kids or have them come over later in the day. Find a florist that you can establish a house account with and use them. Truth time, my Mother made me do this on one of her visits to Buffalo..thank you Mom this is definitely one of the greatest pearls you ever shared. I use Graser’s Florist and they can send flowers anywhere flowers can be sent. Make a trip to the Dollar Store the weekend before and buy your kid’s mom a card, while you are at it go ahead and buy cards for any of the “Moms” who help you out (Team Moms, car pool friends, neighbors whose house your kids play at, etc). Stop basing your “gift” on the “gift” you got last Father’s Day, it will never be equal, get over it. Sit you kids down and watch them sign the card for their Mom, address it, put a stamp on it and mail it. Make sure your kids call their mom if they are away at college or camp or anywhere else.

Celebrate the day the way it should be celebrated. After all even NASCAR takes that weekend off. Now go do what you need to do to…
Make it a super Mother’s Day,
Kevin

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Single Dad Tip..Finding Advice on Single Parenting

Kevin — Thu, 06 May 2010 23:46:19 +0000

A divorced single Mom friend of mine called me up the other day and surprised me with the topic of her call. She told me that “I was right” in what I said a few years ago. OK, I love to be right about something, but at my advanced age, I’ll be darned if I had a clue what she was talking about. I told her thanks for saying I was right, but could she please tell me what I was right about so I could do more of that what ever it was to be right. Her laughter at my cluelessness is still makes me smile.

It seems that a few years back we were talking about her kids and the changes she could expect as they grew older. Specifically, I imparted 2 bits of expert advice on the future. Number 1 was that when her 2nd and 3rd kids got old enough to drive she would go out of her way to make sure they got their license as soon as possible and where on the road asap. Number 2 was that her “perfect angel” youngest would one day make her eldest’s escapades seem angelic in comparison.

Yep folks I nailed those predictions. Not because I am a fortune teller, but because I have been there done that and survived to tell the stories. There are many more predictions I could make for that very reason. Been there done that survived to tell the stories is not something you just get as you grow older. It is a gift you earn as you parent your children through out their lives. I know the things my kids experienced, and I bet your kids will enjoy many of those same experiences.

2 very important sources of how I parented as a Single Dad came from listening to older kids and other parents of older kids. I heard the older kids through volunteering to be a Sunday school teacher. Amazing the stories you can learn as a “cool” adult teaching Sunday school. Additionally, when I met a Parent (single or married, male or female) I was always asking them what to expect or be prepared for next. I truly believe that one of the best ways to learn about the future is to talk with someone who has been there done that survived to tell the stories.

I urge you to find your Advice givers. Seek them out. Always get all sides of the situations input..kids, parents, teachers, coaches. Learn from their wisdom. Learn from their mistakes. Learn from their failures. Just learn all you can from where ever you can. I guarantee that entire knowledge base will payoff in amazing ways for you and your kids.

Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin

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How a Single Dad solved the Birthday Cake Dilemma

Kevin — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 17:54:22 +0000

The Birthday Bagel

I must admit. When I first became a Single Dad, I was still honing my culinary skills. I had become somewhat proficient at grilling steak and hot dogs, could zap a baked potato, and mastered adding butter, salt, pepper to frozen veggies, BUT baking a cake or cupcakes..well that was beyond my ability to concentrate. With my youngest’s birthday approaching I needed to figure something out like yesterday.

While wandering the isles of the grocery store trying to figure out if I added fudge brownies to yellow cake and chocolate cake would that make it a 3 layer cake, I happened to see the most beautiful culinary site ever. Yes an almost perfectly round Bagel. This thing was awesome about 5 inches across, with a squished together center, and about an inch high. I knew immediately that if I added a singing candle my cake worries were over. Thus began the Birthday Bagel tradition. I must admit we have substituted English Muffins, Croissants, 6 or 7 pieces of bread pressed together with crusts cut off, and even jelly filled donut when Dad forgot the bagel. However, the tradition became one we shared over and over. On one’s birthday morning, they come down the stairs at Dad’s house to find their card, present and birthday bagel.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I encourage each of you to establish your own Single Dad traditions. They don’t have to be elaborate or super expensive. They just have to be y’alls tradition. Now go do what you have to do to…

Make it a super day,
Kevin

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Winter Break

Kevin — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 21:43:07 +0000

Many Schools in the Northeast have decided that given kids 2 weeks off the week before and the week after Easter is too disruptive for the second semester of the academic year. There solution is to have a week off in February and a week off in March or April depending on when Easter is. As a Single Parent you need to know as soon as possible when these weeks occur, or you could find yourself waking up one morning wondering why the kids are sound asleep on a school day.

Yes this happened 10 years ago, I frantically woke my oldest up saying “Let’s go time to get ready for school”, her reply “Dad we don’t go to school until next Monday” floored me. How did I miss this? More importantly, how did I agree to my Ex going out of town the entire week? Did ya ever stop and think your life needed a rewind button?

I keep telling y’all that I learned to be a Single Dad through trial and error. Mark checking school calendars down as learning by error method. Please Dad’s what ever you do, get a copy of the remainder of the school year’s calendar and update your own calendar. Most school districts now have internet access (yes, you will have to ask your kid or your Ex for the Family user name and password), and find out what is going on. Pay particular attention to any updates on how your school district is handling excess snow days, just in case your kids have exceeded the number of snow days built into the schedule. Better to be forewarned than finding out at the last minute.

I scrambled 10 years ago to make sure my kids had adult supervision all week long. Took a couple of unplanned vacation days, had a terrible case of morning flu one day, and volunteered to watch neighborhood kids on my vacation day in exchange for the days I had to work. You don’t need to scramble if you have all year or even a couple of months to plan things out. However, should you decide to learn days off as soon as they are posted, you and your kids can plan some awesome activities.

One of the best is a kid friendly All-Inclusive vacation. This is something I did not know existed for Families. I knew there were plenty of adult only All-Inclusive vacations, heck I even did a few Internet searches for a place to get away to. But taking my kids, that wasn’t something I thought about doing. I wish I had though. What an awesome experience to bond as a Family. Laying around on the Beach, swimming, snorkeling, boogie boards, ping pong matches, braided hair with beads, smelling like sunscreen all week long, walks on the beach, and sunrises and sunsets. I guarantee you will create memories which will last a lifetime.

Make the most of your time with your kids. Embrace the vacation weeks and spend time as a Family bonding. What a unique opportunity you have. Use it to the fullest. Use garage sales to help fund the vacation. Create your memories in the manner you desire. Make your kid’s day a super one. I know you will enjoy every minute of every smile on their faces.

Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin

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