With all this joy and comfort and yule-tide happiness all around you..why are you feeling like crap? How can you not be filled with happiness? Why are you tired all the time? What is going on? Why does this time of year constantly bring out these feelings in you. How can you spend so much time “snapping” at your kids when they are trying to act like angels?

Now I am NOT any type of MD, but I am a Single Dad, and have been there done that for the past 15 years. Granted each year gets better and easier to deal with, but dagnabit, the Holiday Season always reminds me that for whatever reason my Family is not going to be sitting around the tree enjoying a traditional celebration. I get depressed. I know it is coming and I do things to head it off. However, I still battle a mild form a depression year after year.

Probably not the Christmas message you were expecting to hear, but a very real happening for many Divorced Parents. I have spent a lot of time searching for the “why” behind these feeling. And I was very surprised with what I came up with. I truly believe the biggest reason behind my mild depression was the result of repressed anger. 15 years later and I am still “angry” that I am not spending Christmas the way I dreamed of spending Christmas as a kid.

How many of you are holding back..keeping this anger bottled up inside you…never expressing that you are pissed to be Divorced? Yes, we sit around with our buddies talking about the Ex and how messed up the system is. BUT have you ever just come out and expressed that you are angry about being alone/divorced? I finally did in the paragraph above. Yep, took me 15 years to finally admit out loud what I have known for a long time. Getting Divorced sucks and it did not fit into my dreams of being a Dad.

Anger is a big reason why so many Single Dad’s struggle with being successful. Everytime we are faced with a “what do I do” scenario with our kids, good ole anger is in the back ground (this would be a problem if there were 2 adults..how should I know how to cook, I know how to change the oil and mow the lawn..which brand of “pads” is best for a teenager..etc). When you get angry your ability to perform your best is diminished.

So this Christmas/Holiday Season do yourself a favor. Express your anger. Be honest that everything isn’t perfect. Meet your depression head on. Take every opportunity to Love your children and spend as much quality time with them as you can. Rediscover how amazing the next few weeks truly are. Now go do what you have to do to…

Make it a super day,
Kevin

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Like I said this is the story of some kids my kids knew growing up. Just like my girls these siblings were also growing up in two different houses. Their Parents had divorced about the same time as my Ex and I did. It seems that my daughter’s friends were constantly getting the “latest _____” fill in the blank anyway you see fit( use your mind to picture the gifts you and your Ex have given your kids)..clothes, cell phones, cameras, bikes, video games, computer, lap top, trampoline, shoes, sports equipment..yep you name and these kids were getting it.

Now as a Single dad, I’m starting to feel a bit guilty. My kids aren’t getting stuff just because it is a day of the week that ends in “Y”. Plus my Ex and I would both have to work second jobs to buy all that stuff. I’m wondering Big Time what is going on with all the gifts. As it turns out their Dad and I became golfing buddies and one day I just came right out and asked him “Dude what’s with all the gifts?” His answer floored me.
With a straight face he replied “It’s my Ex’s fault, every time I get them something, she has to get them something as good if not better”.  Being an instigator I had to ask how long this had been going on and found out it started a week or so after he moved out. My thoughts are “Wow sucks to be you having to buy all those gifts, and what lucky kids you have getting all those gifts”. I felt this way for about 10 years. Poor Parents/Lucky Kids.
However, my thoughts on this changed when I was having a conversation with my daughter over dinner one night. Not sure why or how the conversation came up..I was probably apologizing for not getting her and her sister an iPhone..when my daughter said how lucky she and her sister were because their Mom and I never made them choose between whose gift was the best..Who “loved” them more based on what gift was just given. Unlike her friend and her siblings who always were forced to choose whose gift was best. Turns out that the one upmanship was self made. It was a Single Dad and a Single Mom trying to show (buy) how much they loved their kids through always buying the best gift. All they really did was create stress for their children, not the happiness they were searching for.

As you go about raising your kids as a Single Parent, don’t get caught up in the trading gifts for love trap. Instead do something..anything with your kids to show them in person how much you love them. I guarantee if Mom and Dad get into a competition as to who “loves” them more by spending quality one-on-one time with their kids. Everyone wins.

Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin

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