12 months ago I made a decision to change my life direction and build a business centered on helping Single Fathers be successful Dads. It really isn’t any surprise that my niche “Single Dads” has grown to include Married Dads, and recently Single Moms and Married Moms thanks to my radio partner Colleen Bushby. Single Parents and Married Parents all have many shared trials and tribulations. It is amazing how very much alike children are when it comes to Parenting.
My quest to share the secrets I learned raising my kids has not been an easy one. In many ways starting this business has mirrored my experiences as a Single Dad. I start off doing the best I can, make mistakes, regroup, and figure out what works and what doesn’t work for getting traffic and customers, only to find what worked for one doesn’t work for the next wave of prospects. Forcing me to step back and evaluate what and why I am doing things, pick a new course of action, and jump back into creating my business.
Sound familiar? If not it will provide you have more than one child. Trust me you will make many mistakes with your oldest. You will try many different parenting techniques. Eventually you will settle upon a relationship that works for you and your child. When the next one comes along you are just a tad bit cocky. You have figured this parenting gig out and are without a doubt the World’s Greatest Parent. Nice dream my friend. If anything it gets more and more difficult the more children you have. Why? Simple really, the younger kids have already figured out how to get over on the system you established with their older sibling..side bar..I think the Older Child has secretly helped in this discovery process as payback for the Younger Child(ren) not tattling on them for breaking “Teenage” rules. So you get to start the “what works parenting wise” anew with the next child in line.
Before all the Parents of 2+ kids reading this start to freak out, relax. One of the great things is that while your current oldest and you are enjoying the Parent/Child experience, your younger kids will love on you and hug you and look at you with huge beautiful eyes and say “I will never treat you like ______ does..I Love You Daddy”. If you have a video camera please get this captured forever on tape. In about 3 years you will need this as proof that your now oldest was ever as sweet and loving as your younger and older kids are. Confusing? Only when you try to explain this to “new” Parents, us old timers are sitting back laughing right now.
As I have shared I am in the process of selling my house that I raised my kids in. In order to sell a house you have to do crazy things like dig through 23 years of memories and stuff you have been saving just in case you might need it. For some reason prospective home owners are not impressed with how much stuff you can cram into closets and pantries and special places for storing junk (dining room table). No these potentials like open and bright and airy. I don’t understand when it is time for them to sell the house they will still have the boxes that the movers used when they moved into your place. I only have 1 box from Germany move and 2 boxes from Kansas move that were never emptied.
I am spending a lot of time this week going through and making my house presentable for the people coming by over the weekend to put an offer on my place. OK, maybe they are coming by to tell me what I need to do in order for them to put an offer on the place. Either way, I am touching my past and deciding, keep, donate, put aside for one of my kids, take to Ex’s house (yes seems my basement was used to store some stuff she didn’t want at her new place), or throw away. Thanks to a lot of comments on yesterday’s blog I learned a lot about the “Art of Throwing Away”. I like to think that after looking at the pile ready for next week’s garbage pick up, I am well on my way to an advanced degree in toss away. It is also nice to know that 23 years of clothing (some never worn) will look good on someone else after donating it.
The most important result of this experience is that I have completely figured out why I am making it my life mission to share the secrets of being a Dad. You see as I look at Bike Rodeo Kindergarten Trophies (my oldest rode without training wheels for the 1st time at the rodeo because she was NOT going to compete with training wheels), Athletic awards (Youngest has an 18 gallon tote full of trophies and awards, while I am guessing my Ex has the same tote with our oldest awards/trophies), graduation announcements, report cards, stuffed animals, cook books, bed time books, clothes, etc I realize that the memories I have come from being there to witness what took place. Many Dads have memories of seeing the trophy when they get home, watching Mom read to the kids, sitting at the table and being told what the grades were. They were too busy earning a living for the Family. Their priorities were in showing up for someone else (employer) and not for their kids/family. This is made very clear to me when I see something and wonder “where did that come from” versus remembering “how that came to be”. This is the lesson, the secret I want to share with Single Dads. The ways you can keep your Boss happy while keeping your life happier. Being “there” for your kids instead of “being” there is huge.
I may not have always “Done it Right”, but 9 times out of 10 I messed up with my kids. Not called in listening to what happened and saying the wrong thing. Nope I was there watching what happened and saying the wrong things. That is a gift I will always cherish. That is a gift I look forward to sharing with as many Parents as possible.
Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
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