In keeping with my Holiday sharing and scheduling ideas I wanted to share a story of a couple of friends of my daughters. As you read this allow that awesome power point you posses to conjure up your own pictures of what I am talking about. FYI for those of my friends who rode the same bus to school as I did..use your mind in place of the power point and all will be well.
Like I said this is the story of some kids my kids knew growing up. Just like my girls these siblings were also growing up in two different houses. Their Parents had divorced about the same time as my Ex and I did. It seems that my daughter’s friends were constantly getting the “latest _____” fill in the blank anyway you see fit( use your mind to picture the gifts you and your Ex have given your kids)..clothes, cell phones, cameras, bikes, video games, computer, lap top, trampoline, shoes, sports equipment..yep you name and these kids were getting it.
Now as a Single dad, I’m starting to feel a bit guilty. My kids aren’t getting stuff just because it is a day of the week that ends in “Y”. Plus my Ex and I would both have to work second jobs to buy all that stuff. I’m wondering Big Time what is going on with all the gifts. As it turns out their Dad and I became golfing buddies and one day I just came right out and asked him “Dude what’s with all the gifts?” His answer floored me.
With a straight face he replied “It’s my Ex’s fault, every time I get them something, she has to get them something as good if not better”. Being an instigator I had to ask how long this had been going on and found out it started a week or so after he moved out. My thoughts are “Wow sucks to be you having to buy all those gifts, and what lucky kids you have getting all those gifts”. I felt this way for about 10 years. Poor Parents/Lucky Kids.
However, my thoughts on this changed when I was having a conversation with my daughter over dinner one night. Not sure why or how the conversation came up..I was probably apologizing for not getting her and her sister an iPhone..when my daughter said how lucky she and her sister were because their Mom and I never made them choose between whose gift was the best..Who “loved” them more based on what gift was just given. Unlike her friend and her siblings who always were forced to choose whose gift was best. Turns out that the one upmanship was self made. It was a Single Dad and a Single Mom trying to show (buy) how much they loved their kids through always buying the best gift. All they really did was create stress for their children, not the happiness they were searching for.
As you go about raising your kids as a Single Parent, don’t get caught up in the trading gifts for love trap. Instead do something..anything with your kids to show them in person how much you love them. I guarantee if Mom and Dad get into a competition as to who “loves” them more by spending quality one-on-one time with their kids. Everyone wins.
Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
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