Archive for the ‘After Divorce’ Category
The Birthday Bagel
I must admit. When I first became a Single Dad, I was still honing my culinary skills. I had become somewhat proficient at grilling steak and hot dogs, could zap a baked potato, and mastered adding butter, salt, pepper to frozen veggies, BUT baking a cake or cupcakes..well that was beyond my ability to concentrate. With my youngest’s birthday approaching I needed to figure something out like yesterday.
While wandering the isles of the grocery store trying to figure out if I added fudge brownies to yellow cake and chocolate cake would that make it a 3 layer cake, I happened to see the most beautiful culinary site ever. Yes an almost perfectly round Bagel. This thing was awesome about 5 inches across, with a squished together center, and about an inch high. I knew immediately that if I added a singing candle my cake worries were over. Thus began the Birthday Bagel tradition. I must admit we have substituted English Muffins, Croissants, 6 or 7 pieces of bread pressed together with crusts cut off, and even jelly filled donut when Dad forgot the bagel. However, the tradition became one we shared over and over. On one’s birthday morning, they come down the stairs at Dad’s house to find their card, present and birthday bagel.
I encourage each of you to establish your own Single Dad traditions. They don’t have to be elaborate or super expensive. They just have to be y’alls tradition. Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
I can’t help it. Every Friday around 3:30pm I start to get nervous. I go into overload at work completing everything I can or putting it into a folder I can pull out on Monday morning. I start checking the weather for the upcoming weekend. Check driving conditions. Making sure when the whistle blows at 5pm I am ready to head home and start “My Weekend” with my kids. After all, for the past 15 years my every other “Weekend” started on Friday. It was Daddy Time and I was thrilled.
I wish I could say that every weekend was perfect. Well..I guess I could because this is a blog and I can say pretty much what I want, but that would not be honest. I have promised y’all from the beginning that I would always tell the truth even when it didn’t always make me look the best. I believe that if your goal is to be a Successful Dad, there will be mistakes made along the way, and it is up to you to learn from those mistakes, make the correction and do better the next time.
My biggest mistake occurred early on in my new life as a Single Dad. I failed to properly plan for the weekend. Failure to plan my friends can be a nightmare.
Here is my beginners list:
• Proper clean clothes
• “ALL” homework
• Food in the house
• Toiletries stocked (shampoo, TP, female product, conditioner, nail polish remover, band aids, brushes, hair ties, hair glop to make it curly or straight, etc)
• Milk
• OJ with and without pulp
• Uniforms
• Contact info for sleep-overs
• Church clothes
• Shoes of all types
• Times for weekend appointments
• Contact info for Mom
• Knowledge of who is and who isn’t in trouble and what that means at Dad’s house
• Activities planned (shoveling snow and mowing the grass are fantasies..LOL)
• Coats, boots, flip flops, shorts, swim suit, gloves, hats, sunglasses
• Menu planned
• House “clean” to start the weekend
Just a few things to keep you going and keep “Your Weekend” the best it can be. Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super Weekend,
Kevin
A Single Dad friend of mine sent me the following story. I knew as soon as I read it that I had to share this with all y’all. I apologize for not knowing who the Author is. However, I suspect that person is a Parent of 2 or more toddlers.
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home, and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall, and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is, and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap…’
The next day, he arrived for his nap with a different note pinned to his collar:
‘He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?’
I did not have 6 kids with 2 under the age of 3, but my 2 kids provided me plenty of opportunity to wish I could be like that dog and go curl up and take a nap. One of the ways I worked around the non-stop action packed life of youngsters was a sleeping bag on the floor and all of us taking “Nap Time”. I do believe this worked at least 6 times out of the 100 times I tried it.
The key is to know that raising little ones isn’t as easy as good ole Dr Spock tried to get you to believe. Remember, kids don’t know how to read so they have no clue how some Author thinks they should act. And if you don’t believe me ask your parents how “perfect” you were at your kid’s age. I bet you find out that you were way more rambunctious than your children.
Enjoy every opportunity you get to be with your children. They truly are God’s special gifts in your life. Know that being a tired Parent is normal. In fact, when you throw being a Single Parent into the mix, your tired level increases exponentially..no worries everyone of us Parents has experienced the pleasures of being dead tired on your feet. Welcome to Parenting in the 2000”s. Now you know why any Parent of kids between the age of 16 and 25 can sing every verse of the Barney theme song.
Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
Many Schools in the Northeast have decided that given kids 2 weeks off the week before and the week after Easter is too disruptive for the second semester of the academic year. There solution is to have a week off in February and a week off in March or April depending on when Easter is. As a Single Parent you need to know as soon as possible when these weeks occur, or you could find yourself waking up one morning wondering why the kids are sound asleep on a school day.
Yes this happened 10 years ago, I frantically woke my oldest up saying “Let’s go time to get ready for school”, her reply “Dad we don’t go to school until next Monday” floored me. How did I miss this? More importantly, how did I agree to my Ex going out of town the entire week? Did ya ever stop and think your life needed a rewind button?
I keep telling y’all that I learned to be a Single Dad through trial and error. Mark checking school calendars down as learning by error method. Please Dad’s what ever you do, get a copy of the remainder of the school year’s calendar and update your own calendar. Most school districts now have internet access (yes, you will have to ask your kid or your Ex for the Family user name and password), and find out what is going on. Pay particular attention to any updates on how your school district is handling excess snow days, just in case your kids have exceeded the number of snow days built into the schedule. Better to be forewarned than finding out at the last minute.
I scrambled 10 years ago to make sure my kids had adult supervision all week long. Took a couple of unplanned vacation days, had a terrible case of morning flu one day, and volunteered to watch neighborhood kids on my vacation day in exchange for the days I had to work. You don’t need to scramble if you have all year or even a couple of months to plan things out. However, should you decide to learn days off as soon as they are posted, you and your kids can plan some awesome activities.
One of the best is a kid friendly All-Inclusive vacation. This is something I did not know existed for Families. I knew there were plenty of adult only All-Inclusive vacations, heck I even did a few Internet searches for a place to get away to. But taking my kids, that wasn’t something I thought about doing. I wish I had though. What an awesome experience to bond as a Family. Laying around on the Beach, swimming, snorkeling, boogie boards, ping pong matches, braided hair with beads, smelling like sunscreen all week long, walks on the beach, and sunrises and sunsets. I guarantee you will create memories which will last a lifetime.
Make the most of your time with your kids. Embrace the vacation weeks and spend time as a Family bonding. What a unique opportunity you have. Use it to the fullest. Use garage sales to help fund the vacation. Create your memories in the manner you desire. Make your kid’s day a super one. I know you will enjoy every minute of every smile on their faces.
Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
For a “made-up” Hallmark Holiday, good ole Valentine’s Day sure gets a lot of press. Everywhere you turn there is a constant reminder that the 14th of February is the Day for Love. Flower, chocolate, jewelry, slinky undies, and even “Honey Do” projects from the big box home improvement store, are right there in front of you. On the TV, on the radio, in your in-box, in SI’s swimsuit edition, magazines, newspapers, every place you look, there the ads are. It doesn’t seem as if St Valentine gives a rat’s ass that you are a Divorced Single Dad. Nope Valentine’s Day is the Politically correct Holiday so turn the marketers loose.
As a Single Dad what are your choices? You can be selfish and treat the day as an excuse to have your Ex be with your kids. You can be romantic and include your “date” in your normal Dad duties. You can hole up and drink beer and feel sorry for yourself. You can act tough and pretend the “Day” doesn’t bother you. You can treat it as just another day. You can ignore the day. You can realize that divorce ruined a perfectly good excuse to get yourself some.
If you are like me you will probably bunch together a bunch of the above ideas, have yourself one hell of a pity party, and spend the day with fellow single friends laughing at all the “cute” couples, while drinking lots of beverages. The “Pretend” it doesn’t bother you technique. Time to be honest it does bother you and it sucks that it does.
Here is an idea. Start this as close to your 1st “alone” Valentine’s Day as possible. Have a huge party for you and your kids. Plan the menu. Shop together. Decorate the house. Encourage them to invite a friend or two to your “Cool as the Other Side of the Pillow” Valentine’s Day Celebration. Make this y’alls day to share with each other and friends. As the years go by encourage “friends of the opposite sex” to be included. This way you can get away with your new girlfriend being there. Make it a fun time. Make it all about Love. ”A Father’s Love for His Children”.
Turn a sad occasion, a crammed down your throat occasion, into an awesome opportunity to spend quality time with your children and their friends. Make Valentine’s in your house “The Place To Be”. Plus it will set you up to trade “nights” with your Ex. You get Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day, she gets Fat Tuesday and St Patty’s Day. Let’s see you get football and hearts with your kids and beads and green beer without them. This just might work.
Now go do what you need to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
