Somehow, someway you find yourself in a position that you never dreamed possible. Divorced. Soon to be Single Parent. Your fairy tale ending life with your child’s Mother is about to come to an end. I know when this realization struck me, I was pissed. After all, I had done everything possible to make things work. Funny thing is, years later, I found out from my Ex that she was under the impression that she was the one who had done everything possible to save the relationship. This is not an entry about “he said..she said”. So no worries my friend.
This is all about you and what you are feeling. How dare she walk out on me..What is wrong with her that she doesn’t realize how great I am? What about the children? Why did this happen to me? I am so mad I could just explode.. Guess what..exploding isn’t going to solve anything.
Believe it or not EVERYTHING that goes on between Mom and Dad is being absorbed by your children. The arguments, the yelling, the silent treatment, the crying, the mean words, Dad sleeping in another room, etc. All of this is being processed by your child in a child like way. They aren’t grown up enough to understand, so they understand as only children can. At a very basic level. I’ll never forget my 7 years old’s response to our perfectly researched and conducted “explanation to the kids” sit down talk Mom: “Your Mommy and Daddy love you both very much, but we are having some very serious problems with one another..” Oldest (7yrs old): “You mean the way all you do is fight and yell and scream at each other?”
What is a Dad to do? I can only hope you learn from my mistakes. Choose your fights with care. No amount of fighting is going to convince your Ex to come back. Yelling louder won’t get your point across. Fighting with your Ex will not solve anything. So don’t. Why bother? If her mind is made up (or if your mind is made up), accept reality and move forward. What does it matter if you give in around the children? Not one bit. Save your anger for your work outs. Teach your children that even though the situation between Mommy and Daddy is not the greatest, you still LOVE them and because of that LOVE refuse to make their lives miserable and full of fighting.
I know this isn’t easy..BUT it just might be the one thing your children remember most about when Mommy and Daddy split up.
Now go out and do what you need to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
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