Look around; everywhere you look you will see that the Christmas/Holiday Season is upon us. This is the time of year when our young kids start to really try and behave. Teachers look forward to a couple of weeks of no kids. Neighbors become Clark Griswald wannabees. Stores have massive sales, both in-store and on-line. Friends become friendlier. There is a nip in the air and maybe snow on the ground. A wonderful awesome time of the year.
With all this joy and comfort and yule-tide happiness all around you..why are you feeling like crap? How can you not be filled with happiness? Why are you tired all the time? What is going on? Why does this time of year constantly bring out these feelings in you. How can you spend so much time “snapping” at your kids when they are trying to act like angels?
Now I am NOT any type of MD, but I am a Single Dad, and have been there done that for the past 15 years. Granted each year gets better and easier to deal with, but dagnabit, the Holiday Season always reminds me that for whatever reason my Family is not going to be sitting around the tree enjoying a traditional celebration. I get depressed. I know it is coming and I do things to head it off. However, I still battle a mild form a depression year after year.
Probably not the Christmas message you were expecting to hear, but a very real happening for many Divorced Parents. I have spent a lot of time searching for the “why” behind these feeling. And I was very surprised with what I came up with. I truly believe the biggest reason behind my mild depression was the result of repressed anger. 15 years later and I am still “angry” that I am not spending Christmas the way I dreamed of spending Christmas as a kid.
How many of you are holding back..keeping this anger bottled up inside you…never expressing that you are pissed to be Divorced? Yes, we sit around with our buddies talking about the Ex and how messed up the system is. BUT have you ever just come out and expressed that you are angry about being alone/divorced? I finally did in the paragraph above. Yep, took me 15 years to finally admit out loud what I have known for a long time. Getting Divorced sucks and it did not fit into my dreams of being a Dad.
Anger is a big reason why so many Single Dad’s struggle with being successful. Everytime we are faced with a “what do I do” scenario with our kids, good ole anger is in the back ground (this would be a problem if there were 2 adults..how should I know how to cook, I know how to change the oil and mow the lawn..which brand of “pads” is best for a teenager..etc). When you get angry your ability to perform your best is diminished.
So this Christmas/Holiday Season do yourself a favor. Express your anger. Be honest that everything isn’t perfect. Meet your depression head on. Take every opportunity to Love your children and spend as much quality time with them as you can. Rediscover how amazing the next few weeks truly are. Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
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