As the 1st of the Holiday Season’s holidays comes to an end (Happy Thanksgiving to all of y’all), I am reminded that being a Single Parent during the Holidays sucks. Granted being a Single Parent at anytime, isn’t a bed of roses for you or your kids, BUT during the Holidays it has an extra special degree of “How did I get myself into thisness?” about it. Don’t get me wrong. For 15 years I have tried to “spin” the Holidays to hide the fact that deep down something just wasn’t right. And for 15 years I have been able to mask about 80 to 90% of the suckiness. Bottom line, it is up to you as a Single Parent to make the Holiday time as special as possible and put your own feelings on the back burner.
OK, let’s get some of the real negatives out of the way and then look at ideas I’ve picked up from friends and my kid’s friends. In my mind the biggest negative to the Holiday season is missing the “smiles”. No matter how you and your Ex split the Holidays up, one of you is going to miss the pure life is awesome joy and happiness that kids have. There is no better place to be than around the tree amid the chaos that is a child at Christmas. Married Parents get to both enjoy, Single Parents might try to enjoy (Big Mistake because what do you do when you start to date? Bring her along and just be the “4” of you pretending all is normal?), but most Single Parents miss out on every other year.
Another is forcing your kids to choose between Mom and Dad. I know a couple of times I was guilty of trying to out gift, out cook, out tradition, just out do my Ex in everyway. I’m sure my kids enjoyed the extravagance but they still were forced to make both parents feel special by fully participating in all events. Trust me this will not work for a very long time. Here’s an example, when my kids were with Mom for the Holiday meal, good ole Dad picked another day to celebrate the “Day”, complete with full meal and Holiday cheer. Better, but that still leaves Dad all alone on the “Real” day.
Holiday’s were meant to be spent with Family, and as a Single Parent that isn’t always going to be possible. So what can you do? How do you avoid the deep depression of screwing up the Holidays for your kids by being Single?
A very good way, and maybe the most difficult is to communicate with your Ex. Talk about gifts and go 50/50 on them (start telling your kids in July that Mom and Dad are “BOTH” buying the gifts no matter where they get opened), pick above the waist (best for her) and below the waist (come on Dads pants/jeans/shoes/boots how difficult can that be?) for buying clothes, establish Christmas Eve vs Christmas Day gift opening, talk about and plan Holiday meals, and plan if there will be any travel involved. This can have a huge impact on the Holidays so don’t even pretend it doesn’t need to be discussed.
Here are some amazing ways I have learned to celebrate the Holidays and keep the blues at bay..OK try to keep the blues at bay.
• Almost every town has a Turkey Trot or Jingle Bell run. Sign you and the kids up and walk/run your way to a huge appetite. The 1st time your kid beats you is an experience you will treasure forever.
• Breakfast/Brunch at one house, the big meal at the other.
• If traveling with mom always have gift opening after they get back (Dec 26th sales are much better than Black Friday sales).
• Summer Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years. Works great for Dads who get their kids during the summer and there is something to be said for being able to camp outside on July 4th/New Years after watching all the fireworks set off to celebrate a new year together.
• Go to Amazon.com (I bought this book this year), find a Holiday cook book, pick out a meal, and make it with your kids.
• Let a friend and his Family adopt you for the Holidays..(Thank You Gelias). Especially great when your Family is miles away..
• Volunteer at a local Food Bank/City Mission and serve meals, do dishes, take out garbage, make others feel loved when they have no one.
• Book an All Inclusive trip and wear plenty of sunscreen.
• Make Holiday meals a “Progressive” diner. Appetizers at your place, meal at Mom’s, deserts back at your place, and rotate who does what with your Ex so that you each get to make everything (be sure and send leftovers to the other house).
Above all, realize that Holiday celebrations are always going to be difficult, but not impossible to get through. Love the opportunities to be with your kids and share your own special time together. Share yourself with others, when your children are not with you. Remember the reason for the season. And do what you have to do to…
Make it a Super Holiday Season,
Kevin
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