After writing my post on why you should never force your children to choose between Mom and Dad when it comes to gifts Part1, I got a lot of advice from others on different ways we force our children to choose. What was interesting is that the advice came from Moms and Dads as well as my daughter and some of her friends. I had no way of prioritizing the ways; I’m just not that smart. So I thought I would share in random order.
• After fixing an awesome meal for the kids declaring your home cooked meal the “Better than anything Mom cooks”.
• Asking “Who is a better driver?”
• Does Mom buy you clothes at “Your favorite store?”
• “After watching a movie together on your big screen TV asking “Is there a better place to watch a movie?”
• Asking at the end of a vacation “Was that the greatest vacation ever?”
• Keeping favorite stuffed animals at your house only.
• Making different Rules of behavior at your house vs. your Ex’s house.
• Getting a pet that can never go to your Ex’s.
• Anything to do with cooking or baking where you declare yours the Best even better than Mom’s.
• Commenting when picking the kids up that you are the only one who picks them up.
• Asking “Is your Mom coming?” at a sporting event or school event.
• Asking where they want to be for a specific Holiday.
• Buying school clothes/accessories and commenting on the fact that you bought them.
What amazed me was the fact that many times we force our kids to choose when what we are really doing is validating our own achievement or success. We aren’t aware that to “Be the Best” Mom has to come in 2nd place. And that my friend is making your son or daughter choose between Mom and Dad.
It is ingrained in most of us to be the Best. Drive for #1. However, when it comes to a Single Parent being #1 isn’t always the best thing. What is important is for your children to know that they are #1 with you. Stop isolating your accomplishments and start making it all about your kids and you. How do you do this? Let’s look at our choice questions once again.
• I Love cooking with y’all, it makes my food taste better every single bite.
• I really enjoy our time together when we drive places.
• How cool is it to get a school outfit at Bass Pro?
• Thank you for sharing this time with your Old Man.
• I can honestly say that was my favorite vacation ever thanks to being able to share it with you.
• Here is an old suitcase/duffel bag and you can use it to take Mr Fluffy with you all the time.
• Your Mom and I talked and the rules of my house are the same as her house.
You get the idea I’m sure. Now go do what you have to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
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