Recently I wrote a couple of posts about choosing between Mom and Dad. I would like to thank all who have responded and commented on my thoughts. In particular, I would like to keep exploring the concepts Pat aka Mom at Chester’s shared with me. Her statement was:
“Parenting is not a politically correct system, it is a dictatorship. There is one self-appointed ruler; the parent. The way to address different value systems is easy. Be positive. Point out the positive points of responsible value adherence without mentioning the negative aspects of the ex-spouse. Re-enforce the fact that responsible living …brings rewards that might not been seen in other’s lives (without saying whose lives). Continually keep watching for responsible behavior from the child and commend them for it, noting the “reward” their behavior brought to them (even if the reward is just the praise you are giving them)”
You know what?? Pat makes an excellent point (why do you think we all call her Mom?). I am pretty sure I can write a series of blogs on co-parenting when possible, but being strong regardless. Many times Dad’s have the Uncle Dad syndrome and leave the real parenting to the Mom. Why? I think it is because Dad’s are somewhat clueless when it comes to everyday raising kids issues. There just aren’t a lot of magazine articles and books on how a Dad is supposed to do it. So Pat, I love ya, but I am going to use another blog to address your important point.
What I was talking about in my blog, was making kids choose which parent they “liked” best through our actions. I was trying to get Dad’s to realize that they are hurting their children when they continue to try and “out-do” their kid’s Mom when it comes to gifts and vacations and “stuff”. Why should your son or daughter have to decide which gift is best? Because our “Dad ego” will be shattered if our “stuff” isn’t decreed the best? Get over it and get over the competitive drive to be #1 gift giver. Instead spend all that energy teaching your kids to mow the lawn, change the oil, clean out the aquarium, de-dog the back yard, clean the garage, make a bed, build a fort/tree house, skip a rock across a pond, figure out distance by counting steps, how to run, jump, throw, catch, sink a 3 foot putt without using 4 letter words. Give your children the gift of their Dad and their Dad’s time.
Now that is a choice your kids will choose over and over again. Now go do what you need to do to…
Make it a super day,
Kevin
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